Heredity or learned - are you your parent(s)?

We are bombarded daily by the medical profession that heredity plays a role in almost all human development, whether physical, mental, or emotional. That if your parents, grandparents, great grandparents or great-great grandparents had this or that illness, temperament or propensity, you would surely at some point in time have the same malady, experience or bad luck. But did you know that some of the illness we have today were not active when your ancestors lived. How can those illnesses, traits and propensities be hereditary?

Although, we tend to look like our parents and are subject to the same sensitivities they have, there is also the ‘learned behavior' factor. We are more likely to unconsciously emulate certain behaviors or preferences. For example: Your child watches you perform an activity. A few days later, you notice your child approaching the task with the same gestures and body movements. Is this as a result of heredity or learned behavior? I have known several adopted children who looked more like their adoptive parent(s) then the biological children do. Granted many adopted children are chosen for the adoptive parents based on their facial and structural features and coloring. However, how does an adopted child look more like their adoptive parent(s) than a biological child? Learned behavior—the adoptive child seeks the closeness to the adoptive parent more through adapting their laugh, talk, smile and act like the parent as much or more than the biological child does.

Also, children learn how to feel about issues as they hear their parents talking about life, living and managing their lives. Here is how life is—becomes the message. Here is how you handle this issue or that situation. How is the child treated—with respect, kindness and support? Or is the child treated with disregard and corporal punishment with ineffective gestures of support?

You may have noticed that as you age, you become increasingly aware of your traits and the history of the traits of your mother and father. Your response to this epiphany depends upon whether the inclinations, tendencies, and penchants you learned from your ancestors are acceptable to you. You may incorporate some of their traits while rejecting others.

There is no law of nature, no ethereal connection between parent and child, dictating the latter must follow in the footsteps of the former. We are each of us free to become whoever we wish to be in mind, body and spirit.

When you accept your parents are human beings with both graces and failings, you begin to regard them as distinct individuals from whom you can learn ‘what to do' or ‘not to do.' By recognizing your mother's and father's individuality in your mind, you realize that you, too, are an autonomous person and in no way destined to become saddled with their travail and idiosyncrasies. While you may have involuntarily integrated some of your parents' mannerisms or habits into your life, conscious self-examination provides you with an opportunity to identify these and change them if you choose. You can then unreservedly honor and emulate those aspects of your mother and father which you admire without becoming carbon copies of them.

You are free to be who you truly are—A unique person.

 

 

 

 

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